desperately watching.

and desperately listening with an intent i knew nothing about.

driving to work and 'eve of destruction' came on a radio station that i never listen to and i never would listen to except it is randomly programmed as button number five and who am i to say 'no' to the fates that program my radio stations and so when there was nothing but commercials, i flipped to that ominous number five and there was eve of destruction and me saying, i think i know this song, when truly seth used to claim that he would sing that song when it was just him and a guitar and piles of abandoned cars at the essential end of the world and so he practiced it constantly in new orleans while chainsmoking on our roof and drinking a beer while i would sit next to him scribbling away in my notebook with a whiskey and a cigarette and somehow this is what our relationship could be all-encompassed to was two people who were chosen to 'be' together, separate, and next to each other at a certain point in time with few to no pretenses and very little money.

i just miss his smile sometimes.