and desperately listening with an intent i knew nothing about.
driving to work and 'eve of destruction' came on a radio station that i never listen to and i never would listen to except it is randomly programmed as button number five and who am i to say 'no' to the fates that program my radio stations and so when there was nothing but commercials, i flipped to that ominous number five and there was eve of destruction and me saying, i think i know this song, when truly seth used to claim that he would sing that song when it was just him and a guitar and piles of abandoned cars at the essential end of the world and so he practiced it constantly in new orleans while chainsmoking on our roof and drinking a beer while i would sit next to him scribbling away in my notebook with a whiskey and a cigarette and somehow this is what our relationship could be all-encompassed to was two people who were chosen to 'be' together, separate, and next to each other at a certain point in time with few to no pretenses and very little money.
i just miss his smile sometimes.
it was a beautiful morning with the sun out and a cool breeze.
i was on my way to work, and while driving past city park, i had to brake slightly to let a young squirrel run across the road. i felt good about that, about seeing a little squirrel diving through the city to reach its destination.
i looked in my rearview mirror to only see a black truck purposely run over the squirrel. without sensitivity or a smile for spring, these two men in their black truck roared past me and were laughing. my hand instantly went up to my mouth, and i audibly gasped.
it just seems like the type of thing that you don't do, ya know? you don't purposefully hit animals that are running through traffic, and you don't laugh about it. i really thought people were smarter, brighter, happier with themselves. it makes me sad to know that i live in a city where people like that live.
the reality is that my life has tailspun and gone all hooey, but not necessarily in a bad way.
the uber-busy and the swamped rejoice on a day-to-day basis for being given something to do or doing something they've even come up with themselves. and i follow along in my quasi nine to five with thoughts of sugarplums and whiskeys dancing in my head.
apologies to the ghosts and shadows for my inattention to the vague and unqualified as i excel and office my way forward in the world to just to bring it to a swift stop in a few months time. heaven forbid i stick with something longer than a song.
we're building our world on macaroni and cheese with a little taste of target shopping sprees. we take our sunday mornings with a bit of pleasure and plenty of breakfasts.
and we've nothing to be ashamed of so far.
